Taken with instagram

Papper (Taken with instagram)

Helmet sized (Taken with instagram)

Taken with instagram

Sometimes Always →

This is one of my very first internet projects from way back in the days of Acre-C and the Walker House, which will mean nothing to you unless you know me. :) It is a collection of writings and photography on various subjects, sometimes featuring work by Sarah H. Dot a Colorado artist and old friend. 

It is what happens when you are young, sensitive and horny. Looking back at it now, there is a lot of cuteness and some good writing. But mostly, it just warms my heart to have this piece of my past and growing up. 

If you’re familiar with my music, my first album was also named Sometimes Always, and was born out of the ending of this project on the web.

Soundtracks

Just had dinner with one of my dearest friends in these parts, a musician you might have heard of named Roy England, and as he was saying goodbye, for the first time it really hit me that I wasn’t going to see this person again for a while. My head rose up out of the mire of self absorption that is the process of moving from one place to another, and realized that I was leaving the only life I knew behind. In two weeks, everything about my life will be unfamiliar. And for the first time, saying bye to my friend for the last time, it wasn’t something I was excited about.

I’m writing this self serving trivinalia while listening to my next album for Archipel, which is more of the same. A very sweetly sad album of music, reflecting on where I’m at in my life, and what’s happening next. As things become more uncertain, i’m finding myself returning to sentimentality and wishywashyness as a refuge. I’ve found myself longing for that feeling; of being excited and afraid for tomorrow. When i was younger, i thought it could only happen through relationships, but once you find a person to love, you have to be willing to become more violent with your life in order to stay alive.

Made it…

Made it back home, and we found a place. A rad little house in the Hampden neighborhood of Baltimore, just a few minutes to the Light Rail line that’ll take me straight to work every day. That ended the reason for the trip, and not a moment too soon, as days of running around aimlessly in a state of panic, in steadily worsening weather conditions had taken its toll, and Meagan and I were like old people in the hotel room until it was time to leave. 

I am sick, and tired, but also restless and ready, knowing that this was only one of a dozen things that needs dealing with to make our move work. There are so many things that need taking care of, it is almost hard to focus. 

The flight home today didn’t help. Waking up at 2:00AM after not really ever getting to sleep did not get my day off to a bright start. We wound through the night time streets of Baltimore, our super shuttle nearly empty, save ourselves and one other passenger. I looked around and thought about what I was doing and asked myself again if it’s really what I want to do, and the answer eventually still came back yes. Any negativity, I told myself, was due to exhaustion and a desire to go be around my things. I don’t care where they are, I just want them. 

When we were waiting at the airport in North Carolina where we had a layover, at 8:15AM an announcement came over the intercom, “At 8:30 there will be a Catholic Mass held in the event hall, this is above the BBQ Pit…” the voice trailed on from there, but I had stopped listening, I knew all I needed to know about the state. 

Made it through the day feeling sick, dehydrated, hungry and even worse, needin’ to get a poop on. Many of those needs have been mitigated with our arrival home, but I am still feeling disoriented and disheveled, despite food, water and a shower. I am sick, basically. I need some rest, not in the awful, horrible hotel room we stayed in, but in our own space, with our stuff. I will be fine tomorrow and can begin planning the next steps such as they are, but for today, I am going to try and force myself to do nothing. 

In fact… I need some tea. 

Up next, culling the herd. 

Another day…

And it wasn’t so bad, still no good place for rent, but we had another good adventure around town, went out to the Zenimax studio to pick up some paperwork to prove I am employed and found out some good neighborhoods to look in. 

I imagine anyone reading any of this would find it quite boring, but you know, a guys journal, internet or not, is really just a clearing house for the brain. I used to spend a lot of time writing on the internet, about 500 pages worth of time when I took my original blog down and archived it in a word document. Now, hopefully with the advent of a new place to explore, I will be driven to record my thoughts about it again. 

We spent a lot of today traipsing up and down Baltimore getting things done, the stark contrasts between the city and the suburbs here is more intense than denver by several magnitudes. 

Both Meagan and I, silly or not, are very into the prospect of being around, and getting to know people that are not just other middle class white kids from the burbs like we are, and after spending a couple of days in the city, going out to Cockeysville was almost comical in its differences from being in town. But, nothing will ever make a couple of kids like us more comfortable then a strip mall with a chain coffeeshop and a Chipotle. 

Tomorrow, hopefully we’ll find a place we like and can calm down for our last little bit of time before heading back to CO, packing up and driving back here and hopefully calming down from all of this craziness. Dunno how I’m going to be able to settle into work, and get back into the swing of game development after the craziness of the last little chunk of my life.

Actually, I do know, I worked for Dekkard, you shut up, sit down, look at your screen, put your headphones on, and get it done. 

The window opened, there was rain outside.

I would like to start this post about our trip off by saying that I had been writing it before now, but then my computer randomly decided to just shut off.

Seriously, it just shut off, no reason. That is just how this trip is working. 

So, this morning, Meagan and I went downstairs to get a fed-ex delivery of her bank card from Colorado. For some reason, the woman at the front desk had decided that we weren’t staying at the hotel because the “name was different” on the package then on our hotel room.

Josh. Joshua. I know. It’s hard to figure out. 

After that we headed out into the wilds of Baltimore, riding about on their amazingly efficient and well planned mass transit system, also, very inexpensive. Finally getting to see some of the city has been great. It is an awesome mixture of old timey beauty and modern squalor. Riding the train out to the bay, we saw entire neighborhoods that were boarded up empty row houses. 

Speaking of the bay, our adventure for the day took us out to a military airport to see some crappy apartments that were billed as townhouses with a “waterfront view” which was just an inlet from the bay. This would have been nice had the view not looked across the water into some sort of manufacturing plant. Needless to say we took off from there and went home. 

It was raining most of the day, but a light, almost misty rain pretty much the entire day, enough to keep us moist, not overly wet, but moist, not too cold, pretty alright, you know? Pretty alright. 

We still managed to get mud all over our shoes and clothes, that is because we had to track through roadside ditches and fields to get to the crappy apartments. 

Overall the city is awesome, and both of us are very excited to be exploring and learning. It is such a different living experience from Denver, as I’m sure you can imagine. 

We are now back in our hotel room, safely ensconced in the sliminess that is this Howard Johnson hotel. Oh, lemme tell you about that. We found a condom wrapper next to the bed, an a condom behind the bed, unused, but present. 

Things have happened here.

a window into the worst day

Meagan and I left for Baltimore this morning to look for a new house in Maryland. We were excited for a new adventure in a new town… it was not long after this that things went down hill, beginning with attempting to get our rental car.

We left Meagan’s bank card in Colorado in the case that we needed money deposited from family to help us with our move. Also, i don’t have a driver’s license… somewhere along the way it was suspended and i have yet to get it reactivated, so Meagan was going to drive. As it turns out, you have to have the credit card of the person who is driving, which we did not have. So, after trying every rental car agency at the airport, we took a very expensive car ride to our hotel in baltimore.

We called back home to get the bank card over nighted to us so we could rent a car… once that was settled we thought we were homefree, but as it turns out, the world was not done screwing up our trip. At some point during the day Meagan lost her driver’s license… this guaranteed that we would not get a rental car for this trip. so, now we are left to get around on public transit and hopefully find a place to live before we head back… it is gonna be a tough week.

But, at least i finished my new album for Archipel before packing up my studio. I am having a hard time keeping my enthusiasm up right now, though.

up before dawn, warming the house before waking meagan and tom. preparing to move on (Taken with instagram)

meagan on new year’s day (Taken with instagram)

mairah party time (Taken with instagram)

post new year’s chill out with vince and the fam. (Taken with instagram)

palladium disco (Taken with instagram)